I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
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"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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