omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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