I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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