I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize