trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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