i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think i got beer on your cat.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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