he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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