So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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