apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
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What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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