My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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