i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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