You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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