Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
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Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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