I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize