I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
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they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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