Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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