Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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