either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
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I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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