Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize