If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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