Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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