He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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