I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize