He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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