Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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