I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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