He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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