That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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