Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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