Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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