seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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