when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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