I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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