sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize