do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize