Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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