I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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