i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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