You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
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i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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