I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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