I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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