dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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