he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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