You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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