just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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