he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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