I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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