can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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