DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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