I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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